wtP?

Edit: Originally dated 22/8/2008, 11.21PM.

Note: This post will be insulting to some. You had been warned.

You know sometimes things don't go your way and you can't help but to be angry at something, or anything.

I'm writing this down, intentionally with my emotions still somehow intact. Maybe in the future, I hope to look back and have a chuckle at how childish I was then.

This story is my version of the story. Nope, I still haven't spoke to the other party yet. It doesn't sound one-side, 'cos it IS one-sided.

The story apparently began like a few weeks after the end of the camp. wt approached me with the possibility of a chief programmer. Naturally, I gave some thought and said to myself: 'Why not?'

But things started to go downhill from there.

Words spread quickly especially when the circle is small enough. The signs begin to show when people said that I'm running against p once i mentioned that I will be running for that position.

Naturally, being a straight-forward person, I asked p whether is it true or not. p denied that he wants the position and I trusted what he said.

Before the commencement of the interviews, I spoke to p again to sound him out about his intentions as I'm beginning to have bad vibes about the whole thing since wt changed his position from Chair to Vice-chair and m going in the opposite direction. This time, I insisted that I want that position and is not willing to settle for an assistant role. Once again, p said that he don't want the position.

Edit: To be fair, i was told by wt after the decision was made, that p is still very hesitant about whether to take up the position. But I wonder why don't he just tell me that he haven't made his mind up rather than saying that he is not going for the position?

After the first night of interviews, it is clear (well, to me at the very least) that p has the position of Chief Programmer yet he still somehow said that it's going to be up to m's decision whether to pick the person for the position.

Since the decision was only made on a Friday, I have no idea whether that p has confirmed to be the new Chief Programmer. That is until I got a message from that p is the one making calls to confirm people for the programmer positions.

I've lost.

Now you know my side of the story, let's go into my thoughts about the whole thing:

1. If in the first place, p is undecided about the whole Chief Programmer position, and yet there's an intention (on m's part) to take it up, why say that you are not going for it? If p mentioned that he is undecided and is still giving some thought about the whole thing, I will not run for the position in the first place, as I have another position offered to me.

2. Why does that position mean so much for Danny? Why not take up the position of Assistant Chief Programmer? Because in my 22 years of life, I was denied time and again for positions that I want to take up. I wanted a big break for my to prove myself (and others) that I can lead a team and do a job at that. And this is my big break.

3. Since p, like what he said, is undecided about the Chief Programmer, why not make him take up the assistant role while I take up the chief role? I know I sound self-centered.

Another thing that I want to address is that the importance of 'networks'. I think m's decision to pick Danny over p for Chief Programmer is also based on the fact that p had worked with m in the previous committee for FOC, which means that m knows p's strengths and working style. Danny, on another hand, is untested, unproven and wasn't known as long as p. I have to admit that I also have benefited from my 'network' for my current position offer (yes, I had taken it up).

I know that I said that work is work, and friendship is another thing entirely. In the end, whether I got the position or not isn't that main point anymore, but it's how the whole episode is handled on a interpersonal relationship level that left a bad taste behind. We are friends, and I'm always clear on my intentions about the whole matter, why is it so difficult for you to do the same? Tell me you're undecided and I will then make my decision accordingly.

I will like to say 'let's move on' but I don't think that things will return back to the past in the short term. I will like to move on, but the mark this thing had left behind was too deep to be forgotten quickly. And been hypocritical isn't really what Danny is.